The last 7 mos.

So much has happened in the last 7 months. It’s not been easy, thus the blog break. It’s been hard to write when going through such painful times. Since I ‘ve last written we’ve had 2 more miscarriages. Again, God is at work in the area of contentment. Sunday at church, He reminded me that He is to be all I look to for fulfillment, that if I never have another baby He will be enough. I don’t have to spend the rest of my days in misery and sorrow, though at times the tears will flow. I am to look to Him to be my all sufficient God, to be all He’s promised to be, to be my everything. I have 4 babies in heaven that I’ll spend eternity with. That’s 9 children in heaven! Our time here is so short comparibly speaking. I know my GOd is able to change my circumstances in the blink of an eye. He is able to give me another full term pregnancy. I have hope, but I will not look to that to be my answer, my healing. I’ll look to Him alone. It’s difficult to stay in this place, but if I’m to have His peace in my pain and His comfort for my sorrow, I must trust my God, and I will. He is absolutely sovereign over EVERY detail of my life. I could have no peace apart from that. He is bigger than anything! My broken heart, my body that seems to continually fail me in this way, my desire to have a mega family. His love is bigger! I look to Him!
We have celebrated 2 of my blessings b-days. Tiff is 14! and one of my littles, Rachel is 6! Hopefully, but no promises pics to come! I realize more than ever what a blessing each child is that God gives me. He can take away that ability at any time He chooses to bear a child. I must be faithful and enjoy these blessings He’s given me and treasure these fleeting days I have with them. My oldest will be 17 in just 3 months! Where does the time go? We have only such a short season to train them up and model Christ to them. Some verses that are on my heart. Job13:15 ” Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him;” and Job 1:21b ‘ The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away: may the name of the Lord be praised.”

3 Responses

  1. I agree with you but when you sit down it is so hard somedays to not long for that babe that would have been. Hugs mama and glad to see you blogging again. I hope that we both find peace in our hearts.

    • You are right, Jessie. The tears still flow, but I look to Him through my tears! He’s ALL that can carry us through!

      • Thanks for encouraging me to get back in the blogging saddle! Praying for you my new friend!

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